…This is it?
I grew up in an INCREDIBLY religious household. Sex was something that we saved for marriage- and definitely not something that we openly talked about.
I wasn’t really given answers to the questions I had about sex because I knew not to even ask. Birth control? Not an option. Masturbation? Literally not even a question.
Sex was some magical, mysterious, and completetly off limits thing.
My teenage years I struggled with the overall awkwardness it is to be a girl going through puberty and learning how to navigate her own body- along with the fear of becoming *too* familiar with it, if you know what I mean.
I want to clarify, I don’t think there is anything wrong with saving sex for marriage. But I did start questioning the fact that it is a one size fits all kind of rule. Religious beliefs aside- sex is a very personal decision that everyone should be able to assess on their own.
Anyway, when all my friends started to lose their virginity I felt like I was missing out. I ended up losing mine when I was 17- partly because I wanted to get it over with and partly because I wanted to experience the “forbidden fruit”.
I was *sort of* seeing some guy that I wasn’t super emotionally or physically attracted to. We did it on a couch in his basement. It wasn’t great. But, I feel like that’s a lot to ask of two people who had NO idea what they were doing. I remember thinking “wow…this is it?”
Looking back, yeah I wish I would have at least done it with someone I actually cared about, and yeah I wish I had the self-confidence to not feel pressured by my peers- but this experience opened the door to make me realize that I have the power to take control of my sexual identity. I can choose to have sex or not have sex. If I want to spend some time with me, myself, and I – I can do that, too.